Wetting the Bed

I never used to wet the bed as a child.  I mean, I'm sure we all do it as babies; but I never did it as far back as I have memories of being a child.  However, I wil admit that I have wet the bed a couple of times as an adult.  Here is how it happened:
You wake up, you have an intense urge to go pee, so you get up off the bed, you go to the bathroom, and you start peeing.
And that's when you realize that you are still in bed, dreaming that you got up and went to the bathroom; but NOT dreaming that you are peeing.  Goddamned subconscious.  Where does it get off pranking me?

The first woman I ever came inside of.

I fucked another girl without a condom before I fucked Lori; but Lori was the first girl I ever filled full of semen.  I enjoyed that very much.
It wasn't korean Lori, in case you're wondering, it was the black girl, and goddamnit, I loved her ass.  I have ejaculated inside a lot of girls since then; but they say you always remember your first.  Lori was the first I ever came inside of.
I didn't mean to ejaculate in her; but I did do that. I happen to be a guy.
I guess girls take the meaning of virginity to mean the breaking of their hymen.  I took it to be when I actually filled a girl full of semen.
I loved it when Lori squeezed my cum out of her pussy.  That was a sight to behold.
I am not ever trading my balls.  Never.
Watching my semen drip out of Lori's pussy was fucking hot.  In fact, that my just be the hottest and sexiest thing I have ever seen in the history of ever.

Ecoterrific

So I went to the grocery store last night, and in the compulsive buy display next to the check register I see AA batteries, which include seeds that you are supposed to sow so that you are doing your part for the sake of Gaia or whatever that bitch's name is.
Anyways, let's say that angle is good for marketing.  Do you really think any of those people are going to actually sow those?  I doubt it.
I myself am not about to sow seeds on my garden just because it says "seeds" on the package.  Fuck that.  It's hard enough to grow an organic garden as it is.  I don't need matapalos screwing it up for me.
As for my contribution to the earth, I buy rechargable batteries, which last much longer, and cost much less in the long run.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it, you fucking hippy.  Oh wait, it's cashed.  Shit.  Let's scrape the resin!  And that's why I fucking hate hippies.  They are a bunch of sorryass motherfuckers.

The December 21, 2012 Apocalypse

    I question the wisdom of learning about what might kill you vs. learning how to prevent it from killing you.  Instead of learning of all the ways you might be killed, learn how to prevent them from killing you.  Read a few legitimate books on bushcraft and disaster preparedness,  You should do that anyways, just because it's good sense.  Don't climb a high mountain in hopes of avoiding a flood.  Any earthquake large enough to cause a tidal wave can also cause a mountain to crumble and bury you alive.  Don't worry about the apocalypse, because by definition, you will not survive it, so worrying about it won't help.  Maybe some cataclysm will occur on December 21st, maybe not.  On a personal level, who cares?  You might die before then in a car accident, or in a robbery attempt, or in any other number of ways....  One of my friends said she would head for Chile.  Chile has the privilege of having had a 9.6 Richter scale earthquake in 1960.  That's the largest magnitude earthquake that has ever been measured.  Now, you might recall that the Richter is a logarithmic scale.  At magnitude 10, no manmade structure is left standing.  As far as I know, the world did not end in 1960.  How much larger of an earthquake needs to happen for the whole world to be flooded?  I've lived through earthquakes and found out later that people I knew died, also that faults opened up and swallowed not people; but whole street blocks whole.  I've walked by what were formerly buildings that had been reduced to mounds of debris. 
    Don't worry about the apocalypse.  People have been predicting apocalypses since before I was born.  My mother told me that when Haley's comet passed by before I was born people thought it would be the sign of armageddon.  Fail.  When I was a tween, it came back.  I couldn't even see the piece of crap. 
    I finally saw a comet when I was in my twenties.  Pretty.  End of the world pretty?  Not so much.
    I happen to be part Mayan, and I have read the Popol Vuh. It's pretty much a linear narrative.  It doesn't predict much of anything at all.  If anything, it discourages the notion of the end of the world from here on forever; but you know what?  Any way you slice it, a few hundred years from now, the best any of us can hope for is to be fossils. 
Anyways,  I'm not gonna worry about the apocalypse.  My prophecy is that December 21st is going to be a day just like any other.  You might live through it, you might not.  Same as any other day.  Cataclysm my ass.