Family History

Sometimes it just happens that you need to destroy a little part of the world to rebuild it all again. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. My grandfather on my mother's side started out as a ranch hand. Never learned how to read; but he learned the fuck out of math. I know for a fact that one time he got mugged, and he pulled out his pistol and made the mugger dance. Vaquero as fuck. Sadly, I never got a chance to meet him, still, everything I own is because of him and my mother. Cowboy up!
One time, my mother went to my father's girlfriend's house, and filled her front door full of lead, and yelled, "next time Imma kill you." This was not unfounded, that woman had the gall to call my mother and say "I'm your husband's lover." After my mom swisscheesed the fuck out of that woman's front door, she left the country. My mom was pretty badass.
Vaquero as fuck.
My mom actually used to own an M-1 carabine. She let my little brother play with it; but she was scared to let me so much as touch it, because she could tell, even when I was five, thatI'm very enthusiastic about shooting stuff. Before FPS games were invented, I would play war in the plaza in Monterrey, Nuevo León, Mexico, with a very fine bottle cap slingshot rifle. I didn't even seek alliances. It was me against the world, and I didn't even try to snipe anyone, I'd just sneak up on peeps and shoot them in the back. That must have hurt.
Never try to sneak up on an indio. The indio sneaks up on you.  There are a lot of people stronger and faster than me; but I only know one guy that is a better shot than me, and he's the guy that taught me how to shoot.  And I don't know anyone that is more ninja than me.  I can sneak up on anyone. 
Oh my gosh, there was this girl, about 15 years old that I was crushing so hard on back then. I was only 5, so I didn't know what a romantic relationship really was; but I did know then, just as I know now that she was very beautiful. I think that when I blew her kisses, she thought it was my uncles doing it. Seriously, that girl was super model material. So pretty.
Her hair was blonde; but the thing was, it was always perfectly coiffed. She must have spent a minimum of one hour ironing her hair every morning before she left the house. I'm still a sucker for pretty girls.
Always will be. Women are really my only vice. Some people say that I like to drink too much, or that I have anger managent issues, or whatever pussyass shit the media is selling this week. I love women. That's it.