Stalkers

Stalkers could be fun to talk to on the phone, if they were funny and switched it up a little. But they just repeat themselves over and over. I remember this one girl who lived next door to me and spread rumors that I would yell "I'm the smartest man in Berkeley!" when I masturbated, and she would prank call me like all the time. I guess she must have had a crush on me or something, and she wanted me for herself, even though she had a boyfriend.
She would actually call me out on being a swinger, which is something I'm not quite sure how she found out about; but I've never made any bones about it.  I've never heven had a wife; but I've had sex with a lot of other men's wives.  And my other next door neighbors were also swingers, and although I'm not quite sure if she ever knew it, she definitely never called them on it. 
Now me being the smartest man in Berkeley is an inside joke between me and my friends.
I'll say this though:
If anyone tries to break into my house, I will come out buttnaked, doublefisting swords. I'm so done fucking around.
And it bears emphasizing that if you ever see a naked man double fisting swords, run the fuck away.  You are so dead if you can't outrun him.