Be careful guys, there have been a lot of cases of dihydrogen monoxide poisoning lately. If you see any in solid state, do not touch it or lick it (your tongue or hand will get stuck to it, and will develop severe burns) , or eat it (you will develop an intestinal ulcer). If you see any in liquid form, do not drink it to excess. I can assure you it will not give you a buzz. Instead, it will give you edema at best, and at worst, a mild case of death. Perhaps the most dangerous form of this compound is it's gaseous (or farty) state. If you get too close to the compound in this form, it will peel your skin clean off, and then you will suffer from a severe (and sligtly slower, which as you are dying having been completely skinned is very undesirable) case of death.
Now in case you haven't figured it out already, dihydrogen monoxide is water. I post this because some idiot reporter from India wrote an article saying that if you drink enough water, it will make you drunk. That is because the medical term is water intoxication, and the retard thinks intoxication means drunkenness instead of poisoning. Trust me, it will not make you drunk. It will make you dead, just like it did this lady:
Water will not make you drunk
Now, for my ulterior motive, in Europe they have been destroying all kinds of vegetables because of an E. Coli outbreak which was ultimately traced to Bean Sprouts. That's retarded because Sprouts are poisonous and they are trying to let you know by their horrible, horrible taste, dumbassNow, who the hell is so stupid as to put that in their salad? Raw, they taste like shit. That's because they come from the ground, which is decomposed shit. Now, a lot of things come from the ground, like potatoes; but you cook those somehow. Uncooked sprouts; however, even have an FDA warning, which is well deserved.
Just say no to uncooked bean sprouts.
I had raw sprouts once. I was at my high school's cafeteria, and a lot of times, unless it was like pizza day, or sloppy joe day, or something like that (their pesto had no parmesan. How dare they call it pesto?!!!! Allah damn them!!!
Here's how you do Italian cooking:
Tereeraisa(?) in the Kitchen
Now we're cooking with imported olive oil!) I would just go to the salad bar; because you could have as much dressing and cheese, and as many thick cut ham squares as you liked on top of your lettuce.
Well, one day, they had sprouts at the cafeteria, and I put some on the side, because they look weird, and once I tasted them I spit them out. I chucked the rest into the trash because who the fuck wants that? Bean sprouts taste like shit.
A short time after my father and stepmother took me to a buffett, and he told me and my brother to put some sprouts in my plate at the salad bar. We pretended not to listen to him, and just kept along the line, grabbing all kinds of other food. He didn't say shit to us, probably not to cause a scene.
Now don't take me wrong, I've eaten a lot of sprouts in pot stickers, and springrolls, and some stirfries, and Phó (is that how you spell that? The Vietnamese soup; but I don't really know how to spell that, I suck at Vietnamese), and they are tasty any of those ways; but they taste like shit (correction, they taste like shit that has been crapped out by shit) if you eat them raw, and if you do, you deserve to get E. Coli.
And history has proven me right. So what up now, hater?
No comments:
Post a Comment