Cosmo For Guys

Ok, is this really a magazine we need?  We've had Stuff magazine and Maxim, and that other one that is a collection of letters with some incomprehensible meaning, HQM?  I can't fucking remember it for the life of me.  Those are basically the same fucking magazine, and if you read any of those, it means you're gay, so just come to terms with that and come out to your family.
Used to be the men's magazines were Popular Mechanics, Playboy, and Hustler.  Now we have this dross polluting the world.  If you aren't teaching me how to build stuff, or showing me T&A, don't bother, and girls in bikinis don't count.  I want to see them buttnaked.
Also, this scourge of the earth is why when many modern so-called men pop a flat they take out their cell phone and call a tow truck, instead of taking out the tire iron, the jack, and the spare, and changing the goddamned tire.  If you look up "disgrace" in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of a guy with a flat on his car calling a tow truck on his cell phone next to the definition.
What got me into this rant is this experiment by CFG:
What do girls look at when meeting a guy?
And I think they got it all wrong, because I think girls look at your face the most, and although this might be counterintuitive, they look at your legs second, then your butt.  My last girlfriend told me she would love to have my butt and legs, and another girl who wasn't really my girlfriend (although she gave me a topless lapdance once, and she was a very good friend, and she obviously had feelings for me, and I was totally in love with her) once told me that she wished she had the legs of her crossdressing male friend (even though she actually had prettier legs than him).  She actually as a joke, actually asked me once, if I wanted to meet a friend of hers, then she showed me pictures of her; but as soon as I saw the legs I realized it was a man, and I told her "that's a dude."  She then admitted she was playing a joke on me and it was her crossdressing friend that I had met before; but dressed as a man.  With all the makeup on, I didn't recognize him as the same person; but I did recognize that it was a man in drag.  I mean I lived in the SF Bay Area long enough to be able to spot a tranny or a TV from a mile away.
Finally, here's some advice for trannies and TV's:  Don't try to fool people, that's why so many of you end up beat up or killed.  There are way too many people that want trannies and TV's to risk it.  Just be honest with people.  I once punched a TV for trying to fool me, and then not taking "no" for an answer when I realized he was a man (the place was dark; but once I heard his voice I knew it was a man, and I was like get off me, and he was like, "no, I want you to fuck me."  And I was like "get the fuck off me or I'm gonna punch you," and he was like "no," so I punched him, and he stopped bothering me).