5 Reasons Why Salvadorean Classifieds Are Retarded

So I'm sort of a free agent right now, even though my so-called girlfriend is OK with me dating this other girl (I still love her; but I know she no longer loves me.  Last Friday she finally came over after not doing so for three months).  I'm not sure the new girl is entirely serious about me, so I'm checking the personals.  Now down here in ES, people don't really use craigslist much.  They use this Spaniard site, and they don't have the same checks and balances that CL does to make sure that  the ads aren't pranks, or misclassified, etc.  So I've been emailing back and forth with this American girl that says she loves latinos, and is sick of the US rat race, and wants to come down to El Salvador, and marry me.  I don't actually think this is gonna happen, so I was checking the personals, and I came across this one ad, that was notorious for it's liberal use of dick pics (as I said, it was completely miscalssified).  But not only that, even the language this dude used is absolutely retarded.  I will try to translate it pretty much verbatim from the original Spanish:

"I Fuck Faggots
I fuck faggots, and you need not be fat or obvious, and if you pay me some money, awesome, contact me.  Awesome."

 Now, I actually gave this dude too much credit by punctuating his ad, and also for toning down the profanity.  Now let's examine the other numerous reasons why he's an idiot.

1.  Overuse of Dick Pics.
Ok, we all know what a dick looks like.  There is no reason to put dick pics in your classified, or send them through email or sext them or, OK, nobody particularly feels like seeing your dick.  Get it?  If you don't know, ya better axe sombody!!  There are 4 pictures attached to this ad.  They are all of a dick.  The same dick.  Ok, I won't post the link to the actual ad because adsense won't pay me if I do that; but seriously?  I saw your dick already in the main pic attached to your ad.  I do not need to see it three more times.
2. Insulting Your Potential Audience.
Let's say that I was marketing a Jerry curl to the African-American community.  I wouldn't call it Nigger Curl.  But this guy outright says he fucks faggots.  Right out of the gate.  I cannot respond to this because his stupidity makes me dizzy.
3. You need not be fat or obvious.
Ok, since when is it a gay stereotype that you have to be fat or obvious.  I've heard stories of WWII machine gunners being gay.  Those men carried their water-cooled machine guns with pride, and that's why to this day, German's speak English, instead of it being the other way around.  BTW, if you are carrying a machine gun, that means the rest of the enemy is gonna try to take you out first, because you are the most visible target, and because you have the most potential to kill them.  Those veterans survived the war, and they didn't hit on their subordinates, and they weren't fat (try and carry a water cooled machine gun around for a few months.  I guarantee you you'll lose fat; but not weight.  Muscle is heavier than fat).
2.  And If You Pay Me  a Few Bucks....

Ok, I know from living in the Gay Bay, that there are more tops than bottoms; but I do NOT believe that any bottom ever pays a top to fuck him.  That's just ridiculous.   This particular one has me so pissed off, I'll just show you this pic instead; because if you have been reading my shit at all, you probes realize that the people that are supposed to keep me safe actually threatened me recently, and that's why I don't even leave the house fully armed.  So here's a pic of baby marmosets or erotic falconry, or I don't know what.  I'm way to crunk to give a fuck.

1.  No Contact.
Ok, so we have already established that this asshole can make huge leaps of unlogic in a single bound.  But what you might not have expected is that I did not protect his anonymity earlier.  Please realize that this is his whole ad.  He left no contact phone or email address, or the anonymous link to his email.  Let's say that I had a bunch of money burning a hole in my pocket, and I was fat and flaming, and I just wanted to suck dick so bad...  How the fuck would I possibly hire this dumbass' services.  The answer is:  I couldn't.  Fucking fucktard.