Apocalyptic Assholes

Just a little comment on end of the world cults. I'm about half mayan, and the fact that the end of their calendar would signify the end of the world means the same to me as my yearly calendar signifying the end of the world, or the odometer in my car turning to zero signifying that the engine is going to somehow explode. 

 In China they arrested a "christian" group (I'm not a christian; but I used to be) for advocating the overthrow of the communist party, and those people deserve it, because you deserve whatever you get if you fight against communism with a bible, instead of say, a gun, or grenades. Nobody has been able to win a single battle against the reds without a fair amount of shooting and bombing. 

I'm not a christian; but I know enough scripture to know that no man, no angel, nor even Jeebus; but only the angry old testament Jehova knows the time and date. And even he doesn't know the time and date, because he is something that people made up because they are scared of death.

If you give away your possesions because you think armageddon is coming according to your fucked up way of thinking, your whole family is going to hate you later. Don't do that shit.

We're all going to be dead a lot longer than we are alive, so make the time that you're alive count. 

The Innocence of Movies

Here's what happens:  Some dumbass makes a crapass movie with production value below amateur porn, and some other asshole decides to make an issue of it, a bunch of people get killed; but now that crapass movie is a fucking franchise with increasingly greater funding, so now for your enjoyment, and the displeasure of the censors, here's the fucking full movie.  I haven't watched it, nor will I, because I don't like watching a bunch of hams chewing up green screen.  But here it is, in full.
Allah sucks my ass, that's how I keep it clean
Fuck all you moslems that keep doing this bullshit.  The death of an American ambassador shall be returned ten-fold, and you will rue September 11 every day from here till the end of time.
I believe in no god; but I do believe in revenge.  You assholes will lose this war, because you do not understand who you are fighting against.

muhammed and allah can Kiss My Grits

Did I call it, or did I fucking call it?  Look for Innocence of Muslims 2 on Christmas day, and coming Summer 2013, Innocence of Muslims3DD (with holographic tits). Brought to you courtesy of stupid Islamists. 

Earlier in the week, I said that the Islamist violence would only get more free publicity for this piece of  crap that has less production value than homemade porn.  I don't remember if I blogged about it; but I did say it to numerous people, and now it's happened.

I don't really care if it this turd uploads on the blog.  You can watch the shit all over the internet.  I'll upload it if it gets censored.  Here's one of many Youtube links, although I don't understand why anyone would want to subject themselves to such a waste of time; but the muslims killing a bunch of people aren't particularly understandable to me either, in fact, that part is much less understandable to me.

muhammad was in fact a child molester, so why the fuck are you goatfuckers getting your panties in a bunch? 

 

Can god Microwave A Burrito So Hot that Even he Can Eat It?

You ever watch Chinatown?  I just found out something related to both water rights, and electrical distribution that affects 7 million people.  Let's just hope I don't have to shoot anybody or get my nose cut before getting to the bottom of this shit. I'm betting nobody is crazy enough to try to have a couple of goons hold me down and then pull a switch blade, because, well, I know something about the last two people that tried to hold me down:  They never tried it again, and I punched them in the dick so hard that they are now adoption advocates, and they deserved it.
You know that paradox of whether god can make something so hard to move that not even he could do it?  When I was a kid in fifth grade,  I was fresh out of friends; because both of my besties moved to another school, so for one full semester, I was without friends, these two assholes, one random morning when I was eating a bean and rice sandwich, tell me to move out of where I was sitting.  I was older than both of them, so I think that they both knew that if they punched me, I could take them both.  Their stupid alternative was that they were going to jump over me, to give me a scare.  Mind you, they were saying this within earshot of me, so before they even started running towards me, I put my food away, and I did a kung fu double punch straight up.    I didn't punch them in the balls as they leaped over my head, mind you; but both of them thought that my fists would shrink at their stupidity.  As could be very obviously expected, both of these idiots' balls ran straight into my upright fists.  I pickup up my my lunchbox, and I don't know what the fuck happened to them.  I never saw either of them again.  Maybe the assholes were looking for an easier alternative to vasectomy. though I don't think they even knew what the fuck that was

Kate Middleton is an Attention Whore

Here's the fucking deal. You can't go around, knowing that paparazzi are following you everywhere you go, and take your clothes off in a public setting, and then complain about it. Sue me too, bitches.

Why the fuck do people even bother with Kate Middleton anyways?  It's not like she's even relevant in any way. She's the princess of a dead monarchy.  Also more tit pics:

What the fuck you gonna do about it, William?  I'm so fucking scared of your royal wrath.  BTW, your wife has a nice rack.

Shelley Lubben is a Hypocrite and a Whore

So Shelley Lubben is this anti-porn crusader that claims that women are physically and sexually abused against their will in porn. Ok, first of all if you are going to be working for a company called facialabuse.com, or for like kink.com, I would think you'd research the company to find out if their kind of porn is the kind you want to make. You can't complain that you got mouthraped by facialabuse, or you got tied up and gang banged by kink. That is what those sites do. Hell, I research my potential employers, and the kind of jobs I apply to do not involve me getting a cock inserted into any of my orifices. Second of all, she is very vocal about being a former porn actress (I fucking hate how all these nobodies claim to be porn stars or former porn stars. Sasha Grey, Ron Jeremy, Sativa Rose, Peter North, Jenna Jameson, hell, even Bella Donna, those are porn stars. Being in a porn does not make you a porn star). That right there, she thinks it gives her more cred; but to me, it discounts anything she has to say against porn. Last of all. When she says that she's done porn, I no longer give a shit about anything else she has to say. I'm going straight to google to check out her porn.

Speaking of which, here's some of her porn, shot with a fairly crappy russet. 

Also, I bet dollars to donuts that her pink cross charity is just a front for the "let's help Shelley make her next boat payment fund."  Nobody is stupid enough to take on the porn industry.  That shit has resources and influence beyond what you could imagine; but you can make a lot of bank by tricking right wing religious nuts into thinking that you're crusading against porn. 
Bitch should go back to porn. She was mediocre at it; but at least she can't talk so much shit with a dick in her mouth.

Do Pickup Artist Techniques Actually Work?

Ok, so this asshole has been championing pickup techniques, not even like that stupid show, where the douchebag talks about peacocking and shit; but subtle techniques that are supposed to be hardwired in the medula oblongata of humans. For the sake of science, I will try out these techniques with every random woman I meet for a month. The techniques are:
1. Never face a woman directly with your body when you are first meeting her.
2. Always look directly at a woman's mouth as she is talking.
3. Before you talk to a woman about anything serious, tell her "I like to meet people that are open to new experiences, I think you are one of those people, and that makes me feel comfortable."
I am doing this as a skeptic, because I think this is BS. I think I'm going to be celibate for about a month; but I'll give it a chance in the name of science. Anything in the name of science. An easy way for me to remember is September 15th to October 15th, the rest of the time I award to the system for free, and if anything else should interrupt my schedule, I reserve the right to end the thing for any significant reason. I would explain the reason, if necessary; but I don't think it will be necessary. The kinds of girls I've seen fall for the douchebags in the reality shows are not the kind of girls I'd want to date. I'm looking to score a 10, and have her fall in love with me. I know it won't work; but anything in the name of science, right? I am so getting repeateadly slapped for a month.

I'm either going to get calluses on my cheeks, or on my dick. My money is on the cheeks.

Actually, I'll probably get laid somewhere in between, independent of the study. Maybe a lot; but no effect on the study.

In my experience the rules of the pickup game are much simpler than the aforementioned three.  Game beats face, and money beats game 

  

Miguel Martillo. The Hispanic P.I.

So I have this asshole neighbor. It almost came to blows with him one time; but apparently he's laundering money or something; but he seems to be trying to fob it off on me, somehow. I'm most certainly not going to be left holding the bag for some crook. I'm not Miguel Martillo for nothing. I don't know what the fuck is going on; but I will fucking find out, and I'm also gonna be there for his perp walk. Shit, Imma be the guy taking pictures and setting off fireworks. First rule of choosing a scapegoat is make sure it's a goat, and not a liger. 

Fuck you Jaime René Lopez Galindo. You fucking stupidass bitch. I hate cops; but Imma be cheering them on when they batter down your door.

How the fuck do people manage to build an elaborate money laundering scheme, which of course means that before that they had to build an illegal money making scheme, and yet they neglect to account for the fact that not only do I not suffer fools; but I also fucking hate their guts on a personal level.

Seriously, of all the addresses in all the world, he chooses the one of the guy that woulda kicked his ass if his wife and daughter hadn't dragged him into his house at toeing the line time, to commit fucking bank fraud.

Dating

It's fun to be single and go out with different people; but what's nicer is when you find the person that gets you. Baskin Robbins has 31 one flavors, dating has billions of them; but when you find one that you like, stick to it; because eating shit ice cream is not fun. If you already know you like chocolate gelato, don't try the garlic ice cream.

 You end up going all the way to Gilroy only to try something that leaves a bad aftertaste, and you just spent a lot of gas money that you could have used to buy more chocolate gelato.

The Olympics, and the Asshole Brits

So I've been fucking around with the Brits for publishing that article on the top ten worst national anthems, in which they even included the fake Borat Kazakstan anthem. What is wrong with these assholes? But it is very fun making fun of them. They are not witty at all. They actually critized American cuisine in response to one of my posts. Who wants some haggis with mermite on it? You serve me that and I punch you in the face.  That is not fucking food.  Why can't they eat normal food? I don't like McDonalds; but I'll eat that shit if the other option is black pudding or jellied eels. That's probably why all their teeth look like shit; because that's what they eat. The choice part of the cow is not the intestines, that's why when someone is lying to you, and you know it, you say "DON'T FEED ME THAT TRIPE!!!" Either that or you bitchslap them a few times, they'll tell you the truth.  I've never met a Brit that I didn't want to punch in the face, and didn't know it, and was scared of me because of it.

 

Suicide

I just want to say that my relationship with my mother was somewhat strange in some aspects; but sometimes, I dream of her, and when I wake up, I can't believe she's gone, because I was dreaming that we were living right here in this house, and having conversations, going about our days, watching Moonlighting, and whatnot, and it actually takes me time to discern dream from reality when I wake up; because well, it's a little hard to believe that she's been dead for almost seven years. That's really kind of it. I mean, I KNOW she's dead; but there is a little part of me in my subconcious that doesn't believe it, and it's hard to shake those dreams off. It's harder than you might think. It's hard as fuck. The other day I actually woke up and started yelling through the door "hey, mom..." And then I realized, well...I'm talking to somebody that doesn't exist anymore. Somebody that never got to meet her granddaughter. Somebody that I know where to find; but I'd need a shovel to dig 6 feet deep, and she's only bones by now, and to realize that, is fucking heartbreaking.

I don't really have much of a point for this post, except that I just found out that a friend of a friend committed suicide, and I think that's just generally a shitty thing to do. You don't know how much pain you are causing other people if you kill yourself. If I could have either a billion dollars or my mom back, I wouldn't even hesitate, I'd want my mom.

 

Laura Sparkling

Ok so there's this bitch on Youtube who does reply vids, and also tries to do music vids, and epically fails.  People pretty much dislike all her vids, because she does most of them higher than a motherfucker.  Usually the comments section of her vids can be summarized as tits or GTFO.  Well, someone did some digging, and actually found topless pics of her.  If you google images Lilith Chan topless, her pic is  the second one that comes up.  I'll save you the trouble and just post it, because I'm cool like that.

Ok, I'm Pissed Off as Fuck Right Now.

I wasn't planning to blog today, just get drunk, watch movies, chill out, plan out what to do with my girlfriend next week.  That kind of shit, and then I see this:
Fucking Religious Hypocrites
People like this is why I believe that god either does not exist, or he is an asshole. If I were god I would send an angel to kill people like this in the presence of an audience with flaming swords. Every single day. Anyone that justified any kind of killing in my name, dead by flaming sword. Iran, I'd thunderbolt the shit out of that country.
North Korea, tornadoes. China, angels killing every single party member. Cuba, more angels, and more flaming swords. None of this shit is happening, and until it does, as far as I'm concerned, there is no god. Maybe it's because god in his infinite stupidity is an asshole. Sometimes, and it's not often, I pray, and I say, "god, if you exist, you are a sovereign asshole." My philosophy is to listen to the better part of myself. I'm pretty broke; but just walking down the street I see people way broker than me. The other day I saw a lady with two babies, sitting on the side of the road, begging. I gave her a buck. How could I have not? But if there is a god, why the fuck did that even happen in the first place?  It would not have, is my point.
 

Falling in Love Should be Easier.

I've been fucking this girl, and now the song stuck in my head is The Whiter Shade of Pale; but in Spanish, because that songs explains exactly how I feel. 
Con tu Blanca Palidez
I will add that Sony Music Entertainment can go eat a dick.  I am a violent man, who can use computers, and if RIAA breaks my balls for publishing a song that I cannot possibly buy here, even if I had all the money in the world, someone is going to catch a machete to the neck.
Annie Lenox also did a version of it:
A Whiter Shade of Pale
I know neither of those are the originals; but I don't care for the original version.
I'm going to fuck this girl this afternoon, I'm going to cum inside her.  I'm going to sing her the song, and I'm going to tell her that I love her, and if she says anything other than along the lines of "I love you too."  I'm going to tell her that I'm going to fuck another girl after I leave there, and then I'm going to do it.

Slashing Car Tires

Ok, so I've been accused of doing this shit, except I was accused of doing it to some sorry ass piece of shit that I really had no quarrel with, except the motherfucker was crazy like a mug, or maybe he was crazy like a mug.  What happened in that case is that the motherfucker let his tires go fucking flat.  You can fix a fucking tire as long as the hole is not in the sidewall; but once it's in the sidewall, you're fucked.  I've known this from an early age, because I love cars, and that's how I know how to sabotage a fucking car.  Mr. Junky later kicked his dad on the balls, because he was nuts and on drugs, and couldn't fucking handle life.
I won't lie.  I have stabbed a few tires through the sidewall; but I'm always ninja as fuck about it, so nobody even notices.  And my only regret is not stabbing more.

Do You Like Apples? How Do You Like Them Apples?

So a long time ago, I used to have a crush on this bitch.
I don't think I've ever crushed so hard on anybody; but she just kept insulting the fuck out of me once she found out.  Well, finding a fucking vid of her getting breast massage and posting it all over the interwebs, is what I consider sweet revenge, so enjoy:

Oh, BTW, her name is Lupita Rodriguez de Silva, and she is a total slut. She lives in San Francisco, and she'll suck your dick; but only if you're a stoner loser, or some other such worthless piece of shit.

A Violent History

Ok, so I come from a vaquero family.  I don't really know everything that my grandfather did in his younger days; but the fact that he died before I was even born and I  still managed to hear this story is a testament to how badass he was.  One time he went to the farmer's market, and some assholee drew a knife on him.
That, right there, is breaking a cardinal rule:  You never bring a knife to a gun fight.
My grandpa then drew his revolver and made the motherfucker dance, just like in the movies.
Many years later, his daughter, who was also my mother, married my father.  He cheated on her shamelessly.  Again, this was before I was even born; but one of my father's mistresses kept prank calling my mother going "I happen to be your husbands lover, blah, blah blah."  Eventually, my mother got pissed off.  My mother found out where the bitch lived (I only know this because one of my cousins was a witness to this), she went to her apartment, and instead of knocking on the door, my mother drew her revolver and filled the bitch's front door full of lead.  Then she yelled at the bitch:  "Next time you call me Imma fill YOU full of lead instead."  Within one month, bitch left the country.
I like to think that I've kept the tradition alive.  I will fuck an asshole up and ask questions later.  Enough said.
Funny thing is, I don't even use guns, generally.  If some asshole pulls a gun on me, I wrestle it away from him, and pistolwhip him with it.  I consider it very funny when I do that.  Seriously, I laugh my ass off afterwards.  I'm not only vaquero as fuck, I'm also ninja as fuck.

Why TSA Needs Some Serious Reform

To begin with, they are idiots.  They are pervs.  They are ineffective.
Read this article from one of my favorite writers on the web that illustrates what I think of them better than I could ever expound on it:
Seanbaby Rules!!!
Now, read this:
What do you think about body scanners now?
That's right, they can make nude HD pics of you that you didn't pose for, except you totally did, you just didn't know about it.  My only consolation is that the TSA assholes are going to get cancer soon from sitting near those machines all day because of the dangerous radiation levels they emit.
In addition, the full body scanners have made it easier than ever to sneak a pistol or explosives into a plane.
Watch this vid:
How To Get ANYTHING Through TSA Nude Body Scanners - MUST WATCH!
That's right, the TSA's policies are absolutely retarded, and mainly geared towards feeling up pretty girls.

Trying to be a Badass if You Are Not One

Long story short, don't try it.
Long story longer, I was just planning to go to my local grocery store tonight; but as soon as I step out of my house, I see some asshole making out with a girl no older than 15, she was wearing her school uniform forfucksakes, and (as many kinky sexual things as I've done, I've always done them in private, or for willing audiences) I go "niños, éso no se hace en público."  The girl stopped; but the guy starts looking at me hard, like it's a staring contest.  I got into a fighting stance and went "¿Que putas?  ¡No se hace en público!"  That's when I noticed he must be in his twenties.  He kept talking to her for a while, I don't know what he told her; but he started following me shortly.  I turned around, right in front of hood security, who have guns; but are pieces of shit who couldn't hit a black whale on the side of a white barn, and by this time I'm pissed of as fuck; because I'm thinking he's a pedophile, and because it is an insult to my intelligence for him to think that he could sneak up on me, and I think his plan was to sucker punch me.  I was so pissed of that I didn't even care if he understood what I was saying, so I just went "You want a piece of me?  Come and get it asshole!"  Apparently, he might be friends with hood security, so he started to chat with them, more on that later.
In the meantime, I'm just trying to catch the bus to the supermarket, so I kept walking.  He starts walking behind me again.  That's when I just turned around to face him and gave him the thousand yard stare, and that's when he stopped dead in his tracks and pretended to play dumb because he didn't want to die.  This is not the end of the story, because on my way back from the grocery, the asshole rent-a-cop that he was talking to starts staring at me and that, too, pissed me the fuck off, so I went "What the fuck are you looking at?"  And walked past him; but then I could see in my peripheral vision that he turned his head around to see if was going to try and suckerpunch him or something.  I told him "take a picture, asshole, it will last longer."
Trust me, when I want to sneak up on someone, they never see it coming. I'm ninja as fuck.  I've actually walked right by someone who I didn't particularly want to meet, and who was waiting for me outside a place at the time she knew I would be there, and I saw her; but she didn't see me.  She later came to my house, and just rang the doorbell, and talked me into fucking her, and I fucked the shit out of her.  I didn't particularly want to; but she asked me to.  Practically begged me to, and who am I to say no?  She is not a good person; but she does have a tightass pussy.  I might actually try to see if I can fuck her tonight again.  I don't love her; but I do love her pussy.  Tight as fuck.

All Strippers Are Prostitutes

So there's been a lot conjecture lately on the interwebs about whether or not strippers are prostitutes.  I know the answer, and the answer is yes; but strippers are a little different from most prostitutes.  In the US, there are bouncers around the stage to make sure you don't so much as touch them.  In the VIP rooms there is CCTV to make sure that even though she is butt naked and dryhumping you, you don't fondle her.  So what you do is, you don't use your hands, you ask her if she wants to go to your place.  Now most strippers in the US aren't employees of the strip club, they are independent contractors, and they can leave the place whenever they please.  They tell you to wait for them outside, and after 5 minutes, they come out.  Once you're alone with her, she gets you hard with a blowjob, and then she asks you if you have a condom.  That's when she tells you it's fine, and to just fuck her and cum inside her.

Kilka and Sophia Update

Ok guys, I know I haven't written any new K&S for a long time.  The reason is that I've been working on the trike design, and a VSTOL fighter that a character in the new story arc flies.  The trike is going to be very hard to finish because it transforms.  I'm currently working on a transforming model about 1/8 scale.  I'll show you pics once it's done.  I will probably start writing the new story arc before the model is finished.  I might also do a paper model of Sophia, so you can see what she is really supposed to look like.  I'm probably going to be pretty busy this next week with other miscellaneous stuff; but you'll get your fix.

I Once Fucked Somebody's Grandma

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Family History

Sometimes it just happens that you need to destroy a little part of the world to rebuild it all again. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. My grandfather on my mother's side started out as a ranch hand. Never learned how to read; but he learned the fuck out of math. I know for a fact that one time he got mugged, and he pulled out his pistol and made the mugger dance. Vaquero as fuck. Sadly, I never got a chance to meet him, still, everything I own is because of him and my mother. Cowboy up!
One time, my mother went to my father's girlfriend's house, and filled her front door full of lead, and yelled, "next time Imma kill you." This was not unfounded, that woman had the gall to call my mother and say "I'm your husband's lover." After my mom swisscheesed the fuck out of that woman's front door, she left the country. My mom was pretty badass.
Vaquero as fuck.
My mom actually used to own an M-1 carabine. She let my little brother play with it; but she was scared to let me so much as touch it, because she could tell, even when I was five, thatI'm very enthusiastic about shooting stuff. Before FPS games were invented, I would play war in the plaza in Monterrey, Nuevo León, Mexico, with a very fine bottle cap slingshot rifle. I didn't even seek alliances. It was me against the world, and I didn't even try to snipe anyone, I'd just sneak up on peeps and shoot them in the back. That must have hurt.
Never try to sneak up on an indio. The indio sneaks up on you.  There are a lot of people stronger and faster than me; but I only know one guy that is a better shot than me, and he's the guy that taught me how to shoot.  And I don't know anyone that is more ninja than me.  I can sneak up on anyone. 
Oh my gosh, there was this girl, about 15 years old that I was crushing so hard on back then. I was only 5, so I didn't know what a romantic relationship really was; but I did know then, just as I know now that she was very beautiful. I think that when I blew her kisses, she thought it was my uncles doing it. Seriously, that girl was super model material. So pretty.
Her hair was blonde; but the thing was, it was always perfectly coiffed. She must have spent a minimum of one hour ironing her hair every morning before she left the house. I'm still a sucker for pretty girls.
Always will be. Women are really my only vice. Some people say that I like to drink too much, or that I have anger managent issues, or whatever pussyass shit the media is selling this week. I love women. That's it.
   

The Meaning of Life

Enjoy your life while you have it.  You don't know if tomorrow as you step out of your house a bus is going to run you over.  You don't know if a plane or a drunk driver is going to crash into your house tonight as you're sleeping.  All these life prolonging fads are a fallacy.  Do you really want to have two more years of a stranger wiping your ass at a nursing home when you're 70?
Your life is what it is right now.  It might not be what you wanted it to be.  Life is what happens to you after you make your plans.  That doensn't mean that you can't have fun and make the most of it.
I never would have dreamt that I would have become the person I am today if you had told me this when I was 15; but I did know that I would never be the person I had planned to become when I was 14.  Currently, I don't know where I'll be 6 months from now, much less 6 years from now.
Do you want to live forever you sons of bitches?

Playing Hard to Get

Ladies, just give it up, you know you want to.
Here's an example from my own experience:

One of the most cathartic things in a man's life is when you have been trying to flirt with this girl for months, and she just isn't having it. Walks away from you mid sentence, even insults you. Then one day, you're just waiting for the bus, you see her walking on the other side of the street and you just go "fuck it, this is a lost cause," so you just ignore her; but she crosses the street and comes over to talk to you. If life were a movie, that's the point in the soundtrack where Mick Jagger starts singing Under my Thumb. You mark my words, Imma nail this girl but good, and soon.   

You know how sometimes you really like someone; but they treat you shabbily, so you also resent them, so when you finally have sex with them you give them one of those violent angry fucks? Yeah, I don't know anything about that either...

The Tale of a Cunt and her Brother

Back when I lived in Oakland, near 40th an Boadway, 299 Mather, which is the intersection off Mather right on Broadway, right before Rockridge.  There was a girl that lived down there, her name escapes me.  At some point, she ushered in this cow.  Her name was Catherine.  Fucking slut bitch.  The cute girl eventually moved out, the whore moves in.
After she moves in, the cute girl's French friend moves out, and she moves her brother in, some dude by the name of Jeremy, I think.  One day, I hear the whore crying  "why me???!!"  And any of us would have given her some sympathy, or done anything to make her feel better.  Shit, I would have baked her a fucking cake if she'd said that to me, or made her any food or drink that she asked for; but she didn't say shit to any of us at that point.
As she started telling her bullshit story, the truth came out, and pay heed my friends, for this is the textbook case of a fake rape story:
1.  She met this guy at a dive bar, he bought her a drink, they went to her car, and she sucked his dick.
2.  She asked her to drive her home; but asked him to come in (now why the fuck would she do that if it weren't to have him fuck her?  That makes no sense).
3.  They had (supposedly nonconsensual) sex.
4.  Two fucking days later.  TWO WHOLE FUCKING DAYS LATER, she goes and files a police report against dude saying he drugged her and raped her.  I don't actually believe any rape victim would ever behave that way unless she was retarded.  Of course there was no DNA recovered, and the toxicology test was negative.  OF COURSE!!!!!
Now, some time after this, someone sneaks into my room, because I didn't leave it locked and I trusted them implicitly, and steals $200 off my pants, that I'd made off my locksmith business, plus my car keys.  I had to change the locks on all my cars doors because of it.  Just all the shit I had to buy to do that cost me more than $200.  What the motherfucker Jeremy didn't realize is that if I'd seen him do that as I was asleep, Ida shot his ass with a 7 shot .357 Taurus.  That, I believe, is the only reason he is alive today.
It's funny that Catherine used to threaten me all she wanted (not that she would kick my ass, or that her brother would, because she knew I could take them both together even if they were armed and I wasn't; but that her mother would come from whatever flyover state she lived in and serve me.  A 60 year old Jabba the Hut clone is no threat to me even now.  I could slice the fuck out of that lady in a second with a machete, if she were even alive, which I suspect she's not) as she got increasingly crazy.
She actually came on to one of my other roommates very explicitely, and at some point they actually got into a physical fight, to the point that the cops were called.  I didn't see it start, I was just drunk as fuck watching movies in my room at 3 am, and I hear this big commotion outside.  Keep in mind at this point I was the only one living in the first floor of the main house.  Catherine lived upstairs at that point, and Jeremy's gf who was supposedly preggo (which I suspect she wasn't, and was just trying to manipulate him, because believe me that girl was the neighborhood bycicle, and made no bones about it.  Shit, I actually saw her walking the San Pablo stroll once, and she only didn't get in my van because she knew me, and she knew I knew Jeremy) didn't even live there.  I come outside my room very pissed off, and they're all like "he/she hit me!"  Pointing fingers at each other.  And I'm like "just go back to your respective rooms you infantile dumbasses."  And then someone, I don't remember who, says "well I already called the cops."  I bet it was one of those girls; but as I said, I don't fucking remember because I was just getting drunk while watching movies, when all these people started fighting.
So I wait for the cops, they are like "are you ok?  Have you been drinking tonight?"  And I'm like "yeah, I'm ok, I'm drunk as fuck, and I'm the only person here that is not involved in this altercation."  They then asked me what happened, and I was like "I was getting drunk, watching movies, and then I hear this big fight in the second floor I come outside and see these three at each other's throats."  While the cops were interviewing me and my male roommate, the crazy bitches, which at this point had shorn all their hair, kept screaming all kind of fakeass feminazi slogans.  Then the cops turn to them and start trying to interview them, and it's more fakeass feminazi slogans, so eventually the cops are like "ok, shut up, both of you or we will have you institutionalized."  To Jeremy's gf one of them said "you don't live here, so go home, or I'll arrest you."  I never saw her at the house again, after that.
Catherine got increasingly psycho after that, even writing me a passive aggressive note telling me not to bring my whores into the house because one time she noticed I had a nooner in my room behind closed doors.  I don't mind about that kind of shit, because nobody tells me what to do, and what happens behind closed doors is between me, and the person I'm with.  I just ignored that shit; but once I cut off the water to the house (because the bill was in my name, and I wasn't to get into debt for a bunch of pussies that were not willing to truly throw down, and I knew none of them were), she hardly even stayed there.  I was the only one that had water (because I knew that to have water to shower or wash my hands or dishes, all I had to do was to get water off the water heater, none of these assholes were smart enough to figure it out).
Now some of my roommates fucked her door up, so after there was no water, she started putting her clothes out in the hallway in the second floor in preparation to move them, so what I did, is, I would piss all over them, even though I lived in the first floor.  I actually took the trouble, even though I didn't need to, to walk up the stairs and piss on the bitch's clothes.  Take heed all you psycho whores.  Because right know, I wouldn't even do that.  They'd find you bleeding all over your clothes, and I'd be nowhere to be found.
Two years later, I happen to have a part time restaurant job in addition to working security.  In walks Jeremy with another girl, not the one he got pregnant while I first knew him; but some other bitch, as I'm cutting celery.  I recognize him instantly.  He recognizes me.  I stop what I'm doing and change my stance while holding a large kitchen knife.  He pretends to look at the menu for a couple of seconds and whispers to his new drug addled bitch "I don't like anything here."  Which is a fallacy, because everything in the menu there was awesome.
The restaurant was Tacone.  A little expensive for a college town;  but the food is awesome.  Just make sure it's family owned.  After the franchise screwed over the family that originally owned the restaurant, some French asshole took over the place that the corporation thought could manage it, and they were completely wrong about that, because the only thing that piece of shit could manage was being a stuckup piece of shit.
Anyways, I digress.  Jeremy knew that I wasn't going to stab him right there; but I was certainly going to fuck with his food.  He's lucky  I didn't catch him walking up the alley to the restaurant as I was taking out the trash, or I would have stabbed the shit out of both him and his girlfriend, and stuffed them into the trash compactor.  The trash compactor was always full; but I would have found a way to fit them in there if necessary.  Shit, my uniform was black.  It was practically designed for blood not to show up, because my job at the restaurant was in fact to cut up meat and not have the blood show up.
Also, ladies, let this be a lesson to you:  If you are dating an asshole, you're an asshole by association, and you get what you deserve from that.

Kim Song Un is a Fucking Asshole, the Apple Never Falls Far from the Tree

North Korea is a bunch of assholes, and of course they can't make a proper rocket.  The fucking assholes are fucking starving to death.  I don't know about you; but I made an oath to myself that there is no fucking way that I'm ever starving to death.  That shit is just not happening.  And these assholes keep building missiles that always crash and burn.  Fucking idiots.  One look at the navaho missile and they could figure out how to make a proper rocket; but they never wil because they are fucking dumbasses, and I don't know why the fuck the US keeps sending them food.  Let them starve.  See if they ever build a crappy rocket again.  Of course they won't.  They'll stop buying guns and ammo and start building farms and cattle ranches. Fucking Obama is also a fucking asshole for catering to them.
I'm not afraid of you Kim Song Un.  You fucking piece of shit muerto de hambre.  I have a katana that I would very much like to introduce you if you ever get up the courage to come down here.

Natalie

Ok, so this is like an epic girl.  She's the one that got away from me.
She's the girl that taught me how to make love.
She also knew how to massage a man right before she fucked him.
She was Vietnamese, and as beautiful as the day is long.
I think her boobs were fake.  Whether they were or not is kind of besides the point, because she was so beautiful, that's the kind of girl a person can easily fall in love with.
And of course, I did fall in love with her.
This is a song that reminds me of her, and haunts me to this day.
Natalie, en la distancia, tu recuerdo vive en mí
I still remember that when I fucked her she used to put her feet right up against my butt and push me inside her.  I also remember how she taught me how to frenchkiss.  Some rich asshole married her, and I've lost touch with her.  I couldn't possibly find her right now; but man, I miss the fuck out of that girl.
I had her, and I lost her, and the fucking thing about it is that even if I had a Delorean that could go back in time to when I was fucking her, There's really nothing that I could have done that would result in me having her now.

Hungry Games

I fucking refuse to watch this movie.  What little I know about it, is that it's a ripoff of Battle Royale.  I ain't about to read the books or watch the movie.  I don't waste my time wallowing in shit.
So a better option is to watch Battle Royale featuring Takeshi Kitano.
The link is in  Google videos, so hopefully I don't get banned for posting it.
Here it is:
Battle Royale with motherfucking Takeshi Kitano

Being a Good German

Everybody laughs at the  "I vas just following das orders" defense that some of the nazis at nuremberg used, and of course, all of those guys hanged for using that sorryass excuse.  That is no surprise to anyone, except neonazis.  Lemme tell jou something pendejos, this blog is being written by someone who is not white (only black from the waist down, and only jewish from the waist sideways), and if I ever meet a white supremacist as I'm walking down the street, Imma introduce him to my fucking battleaxe.  Does your nazi ass really want to meet with thirty pounds worth of handforged, hand-sharpened, stropped and honed steel?  I think not.

Hunger Games

I guess if I were dating a fifteen or sixteen year old girl, and I wanted to fingerfuck her or get a blowjob in a movie theater, that's the perfect movie for that.  In every other respect, just judging by the trailers, this is shit.
For beginners, I thought Hitler and the nazis died in 1945, so why the fuck is everybody in the future white?  Might it be because it's obvious the black guy would win the fucking thing?
Also, the minute someone tells me that my daughter is eligible for a televised fight to the death contest, that's the minute I start doing political assassinations.  Don't worry, they won't even know what hit them.  I'm fucking ninja like that.
There are actually teenagers all over the world that get recruited into guerilla or gang armies.  Their stories are way more interesting and compelling than a white girl that has to kill people, even though all she wants is to get fucked.
Fucking hack writers are ruining the fucking world.

Disaster Preparedness

Ok, I'm not an alarmist; there have supposedly been a shit ton of microsisms here. I'm going to enumerate your priorities right here, which will apply in any natural disaster.
1. Drinkable water. You cannot live much longer than three days without that.
2. Dispossable water. You have to be able to wash your hands after you shit, or you gonna die covered in shit, and I'll be damned if I'm going to give you a decent burial if you pull that shit.
3. Food. You cannot live much longer than 5 days without that.
4. Freeforall. Once you run out of drinkable water, and dispossable water, you gotta start finding food somehow, and you have to search the nearest natural stream, and you have to start a fucking system. It's not fucking difficult; but if an asshole fucks it up, all the rest of you sharing that water system have to machete him to death to make an example out of him. It's the law of the river.
The world doesn't stop turning because of an earthquake; but douchebags do stop after an earthquake. 

For number one, if you have a hot water heater. That thing holds like 30 gallons. There is a water valve at the bottom. Even after the water stops running, there is still a crapload of water in there. Shut off all the gas mains, and then you got 30 gallons of water, that you should probably boil, and maybe before you even do that pour just a little chlorine bleach in, and let evaporate before you actually drink. Don't even think about a showering until you get running water again; but do wash your hands constantly.

for number 3,  specifically about food.  I make it a point of keeping a certain amount of canned food on hand.  Bread takes a long time to spoil in the fridge, flour and dry yeast won't go bad at room temperature, so you can make bread out of that.  You can eat anything that might go bad in your fridge for about two days if it's without power, after that, throw it out.  Anything pickled , and most condiments, except mayo, will last you for a pretty much indefinite amount of time.  I'm not talking about any funky shit that I don't even know about, so if you happen to eat bad hollaindaise sauce (who the fuck even does that, man?  Smell the shit before you eat it, plus that shit tastes nasty as it is).  If you have eggs, make a cake.  It will cheer the fuck out of everybody.  If a bunch of people leave leftover bread on their plates, make bread pudding for  everybody.  Trust me, it will lift morale, and you will get rid of those eggs mighty quick.

5.  Looting time.  Make sure you know how to do it, and do it right.  Don't break into anybody's house.  Good way  to either get shot, or get fuckall for your trouble, or end up eating cat food, which is just as bad, or so I'm told.  Break into your supermarket, and get as much canned food as you can.  You really need a car and few specific tools for this.  Otherwise, don't do it, because you only have a couple of minutes to get in and get out.

6.  Hunting and gathering time.  This is pretty extreme; but I just mention it because if things get really extreme, you might have to do that.  Notice that I put it at the end of the list.  That's because of hunting mainly, because in some places, even though deer are pretty much ginormous rats, it's illegal to kill them.  Although, if you can bring some venison to feed the whole neighborhood, I doubt anybody will give a fuck.  Also, if you set up snares, most of what you catch, you are not gonna even wanna eat.  

However, another danger arises with plant life.  A lot of that shit is poisonous.  Here's a good rule of thumb.  If you haven't seen it at the supermarket, don't eat that shit.  People say that you can try certain leaves by chewing them and seeing if they make you throw up.  I fucking say, that if it's not at the fucking supermarket, don't fucking eat it, goddamnit.  There's fucking wheatgrass at the fucking supermarket.  If that's not proof that some assholes will eat anything, no matter how bad it tastes, as long as it's not poisonous, I don't know what is.  And yes; belladonna won't kill you; but jimson weed can, and I don't know anybody that can tell the difference between the two.  Also, stay the fuck away from wild mushrooms.  Some of them won't kill you; but the last thing you need in a survival situation is to be tripping balls.  So here's what you do, only eat shit you've seen at the supermarket.

Moonlighting

Ok, back in the eighties, I was a big fan of Moonlightigng.  The show with Bruce Willis and Cybill Sheperd.  my mother only watched a few times; but she liked it.  Because of her work she couldn't watch it every Friday.  My brother would go away for like three months out of the year, and what happened for those three months is that I played with my mom's boobs for those three months as I was telling her what happened on the  show.  I've already written that I thoroughly enjoyed playing with my mom's breasts when I was 10 years old.  I was the one that iniciated it, and seriously, that woman was in bad need of sensual pleasure.  I still have dreams of fucking my mom.  I don't enjoy those dreams; but if she were still alive, and she wanted an orgasm, just as a matter of convenience, I would totally fuck my mother, and she would have the best orgasm of her life.  Seriously, that woman did not have enough orgasms in her life, unles maybe she orgasmed from the breast massages that I gave her, which is a definite possibility.

Racism

Ok, so yesterday I got into a tiff over the internet about how fucking stupid people look when they get a Justin Beaver haircut (my take on it is that even Justin Beaver doesn't have that fucking haircut anymore, so take a fucking hint already), and this asshole has the nerve to basically call me nigger.  That is absolutely offensive to me, that he would think he could get away with that.

Ok, ppl, when you start off a sentence with "I'm not racist; but..."  I already know that the next thing coming out of your mouth is a blatantly racist statement.

I am not black, not even from the waist down; but I'll be damned if someone holds it against me because they think I am, and I don't call them on it, because I'm also not blonde and blue eyed and 6 feet tall, and the whole world got together and voted in 1945 and decided that's not a requirement for not getting holocausted.

This is why to this day Germans can't fucking look me in the eye.  Because we fucking won.  They picked a fight with the rest of the world and lost.  BTW there are jews that are blond, blue eyed and 6 feet tall, and would love nothing less than to put a grenade up a Nazi's ass.  I have met a few in my time, and I look way more "ethnic" than them.

I'm not Jewish, either; but if Nazism ever takes hold again, I'm a black gay jew disenter, and Imma kill the Nazis way before they get a chance to put me in a fucking train.

Happy Motherfucking Birthday, You Sonofabitch!!!

Martha Stewart actually has a ginger carrot cake recipe. It's basically regular carrot cake; but with ground ginger in the cream cheese frosting. A friend of mine made this for my birthday one time (and I love him for it; but I still call him out on this. Real names will be concealed to protect the innocent; but let's call him "Dan"). Let's say that as soon as I tasted it, I knew that either he fucked it up or he was pranking me. Make no mistake ladies and germs, ginger has no place in any fucking frosting! It's like Martha Stewart thought about the only good thing about carrot cake, and decided, "if I can fuck up one single person's birthday this year, then my work is done until Ragnarok. Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahah!"
I ate that whole fucking cake, and every bite felt like work. I was like"maybe my palate is not sophisticated enough -bite- Nope, it does taste like it was made with ginger and a sadistic sense of humor."  -Complentative state of mind- "fuck my life."

Random Rant about Movies

You know that movie Urban Explorers? Pisses me off. At least Hostel had subtitles over the non-English parts, and also, it really could have been great, because nobody hates anything more than they hate nazis; but all the victims were so annoying that I was glad when the Nazi killed them all. Especially the white guy. I enjoyed how his death was particularly painful; because I could have killed that nazi like 20 times if I were in his shoes, and that stupid asshole still managed to get skinned and salted alive even though he coulda painted the walls with the killers brains at one point. I fucking hate when movie characters act retarded. And I love that his girlfriend got her neck broken for falling in love with an asshole like that. 

If people exist that are that fucking stupid, they deserve to fucking die. I woulda emptied the luger in the motherfucker, or kept hitting him upside the head with the piece of the bed that the guy took apart; but most importantly, I would have killed his ass off at the very beginning and then said. "Don't bring a knife to an axe fight." Because the guy that gets hurt has a fuckin tomahawk in his backpack. So frustrating...

When the reason the movie is supposed to be scary has nothing to do with your suspension of disbelief on the bad guy's abilities; but it relies on your suspension of disbelief on the victim's stupidity, that is never a good fucking movie.  Submitted for your consideration:  Hostel II  That's a fucking smart movie, although to really understand it you kind of have to watch the first one, which is objectively a piece of shit, and if you watch that one, then you have to watch the third one, which is even more shit.  But I did like the second one.  You also get to see Heather Matarazzo's (not to sound like a bigot or anything; but because I speak Spanish, Matarazzo sounds kinda like "killer of rats" to me.  In fact down here, we call rat poison mata ratas, which as you can see is phonetically similar) tits in that one.  That's the same girl from Welcome to the Dollhouse, which is a fucking awesome movie in and of itself; but in this movie she's all growed up, and she shows her tits.

 Also, In Urban Explorers they kind of set up a sequel.  I hope that they never get the funding to make that fucking movie.  I mean , when you get down to it, the scariest part of the fucking movie is the nazi's teeth.  They're like the size of half his face.

Also, why the fuck do so many movies nowadays that go for the found footage bullshit. That was done right exactly twice: The Blair Witch project, and REC. All these other pretenders to the throne can go eat a dick.

Paranormality, Quarantine (aka American ripoff of REC), the endless sequels of both, the whole SAW thing (if you can't wrap a fucking story line in less than 6 movies, and none of them involve Boba Fett or light sabers, I'm not getting invested in your piece of shit franchise.  I've watched Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom, and the less boring parts of Raiders of the lost ark, and I'll be damned if I'm going to watch any more movies where Han Solo doesn't have a blaster or Chewbacca as his sidekick) can go eat a dick. 

How to Become a True Master

I think that as some hangers on from my previous generation eventually die off, they are trying to push their beliefs upon my generation, so that I will push those beliefs upon my own children. My answer to that is NO! FUCK NO! Maybe you enjoyed having god as an imaginary friend as you grew up as an adult; but I'll be damned if that's what I'm going to teach my children. At the end of the day you are the one that writes your story, and your story only matters if you win, so write it well, and win.

Pick up Yo' Buttons, Youngstah

So these guys are all shooting craps for a while, and this OG that started with $5 bucks is beating the shit out of these sneaker pimps at it for like an hour.  By then, the young thugs are all pissed off and broke.  One of them says to the OG, "You cheated, give us our money back or I'ma take a shit on you."  The OG Pats him on the torso a few times, and says "pick up yo' buttons youngsta."
All the sneaker pimps in the world, if handed a thousand iphones and five thumbs apiece could not have figured out what happened then, much less written it, or lived to talk about it.
As the OG was patting Mr. Gorilla, he was vivisectioning him with an old fashioned razor cutter. The blade was so sharp, and so clean, that the blood landed on the floor before the buttons on Mr. Gorilla's shirt did as he cut them from his chest down.  According to legend, the side opposite the buttons landed on did not have a single speck of blood on them.
The cut was so clean, and so painless that when Mr. Gorilla heard OG's "pick up your buttons, youngstah'" remark, it kind of threw him for a loop.  Until he felt warm liquid seeping down his pantlegs.
Nobody Everybody could have predicted what happened next.  Mr. Gorilla passed out at the sight of blood  (it's gonna sound like a cliché, and borderline racist; but personally, although I know that they exist, I've never met a black person that could stand the sight of blood or the sight of a syringe going into their body stoically, or that could swim very well.   I mean, maybe it's because I'm not afraid of diving fairly deep without so much as a snorkel and stuff; but although I barely passed my high school survival swim test, that's because they make you tread water, which is very energy expensive in a survival situation.  That's the express to death in short.  There were female classmates of mine that even had trouble with that and were excellent at certain swimming events.  I never swam competitively, only for fun, and treading water for four motherfucking minutes is a very good way to make sure you fucking die.  There are much better ways to survive in the water, even if they are shark infested.  Correction: especially if they are shark infested).  OG ran with the money, as Mr. Gorillas friends drove him to the hospital and honked the horn in front of the emergency gate.  Don't ask me where, or when this happened; but it did happen. Mo' details coming up soon.  In the mean time, pick up yo' buttons, youngstah.

Glory Holes

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Best Free MMORPG Evar

Rusty Mothafucking Hearts.
Here's the deal, there's no auto attacks and shit.  This game is tactical.  If you don't have a joypad, go fuck yourself, and don't complain about the hotkeys, you suck.  My gamepad cost me like $10, and I'm awesome at that game with it, and it's fucking fun as fuck cleaving shit with a battleaxe or doublefisting revolvers.  That's my hint to use a Frantz or a Natasha (I'm also using a sword Frantz, as a Lark).  I might do a tude type character if I had a Mei Lin skin, because Tude sucks ass; but Mei Lin is at least pretty to look at.  I like Angela in the cutscenes; but she takes like half an hour to swing her weapon, and her skin looks like Justin Beaver, so pass.

The Hiltons

I don't know what made me think of this just now; but one time in Berkeley, these two foreign girls got on the bus I was riding. They were blonde and blue eyed, and very cute. College age. I'm not sure what language they spoke between them; but it was obvious that they spoke very little English, so European most likely. This one lady, maybe thinking that she was paying them a clever compliment asked them if they were the Hilton sisters. They simply said no; but I wonder if they knew who they were being compared to (I have met several people down here who don't know who the hell the Hilton sisters are, and couldn't pick Paris out of a lineup), and whether they would consider it a compliment if they did. My guess is probably not for the first question, and definitely not for the second one. BTW I just read an article about Paris' expensive fucking car. The damn thing could be an exercise on how to create the most expensive mobile eyesore in the history of skanks.

                                                        To the tardmobile!

 

Yeah.  Feast your eyes on that beaut up there.  For the same amount of money I could build a car that was body on frame, had a roots supercharger, produced over 1000 hp with water injection and was still fast as fuck without it even though it would have level 5 armor.  And it sure as fuck wouldn't be pink, though it would definitely have some badass art on it.

Polyamori

If you happen to be a married couple in San Salvador, El Salvador, and the husband would like to see me have sex with his wife, that idea sounds very fun to me.
Also girls with an open mind that have kinky fetishes, like orgies, cum swapping, bukkake, or gangbangs.  I can make your wildest fantasies come true.
Contact me at miltruiz506@hotmail.com.  Please no time wasters, only people that want to make the sexy time.

A little comedic script that I'm working on. Very rough draft; but I think it has potential.

I have these very crazy ideas when I'm episodic because I can't sleep; but I also can't turn off my brain. This is a tale I haven't quite hashed out. The main theme is redemption; but it should be comedic. Now the protagonist is not a hero or even an antihero he's basically just a morally reprehensible person; but on the day that the story begins his fairy godmother appears to him and tells him "you must make a baby soon, for the Future of the World depends on it." Now after saying that, the fairy godmother just disappears, she doesn't so much as introduce the guy to the girl he should make the baby with, so he just starts going on blind dates. The body of the story is the guy's adventures as he meets and escapes from the wrong girls. The first girl is a cyborg murderbot from The Future (think Terminator 3), the second girl has a vagina dentata, the third one is just an insufferable bitch. So then, after barely escaping termination, emasculation, and nagging to death, he meets this girl, that maybe was the girl next door, and he makes a baby with her and saves the world, because the Future depends on it, and that baby is gonna be the girl that destroys all the murderbot cyborgs.

Kamela

I picke up Kamela in Berkeley in the 60's on San Pablo.  I just asked he straight up if I could fuck her without a condom before dropping her off wherever the fuck she was going, which turned out to be a little north of ashby and a little east of San Pablo.  She said cool, so I had her suck me off, and then I fucked her and came inside her.  She gave me her number, and also told me to talk to her anytime I saw her on the street, and I would have done that; but the next time I tried to call her she was in jail.  Goddamned drug prohibition.  I want to get my nut on, gottdangit!

This is why, no matter what gun control laws are enacted, guns will always be around: Because Guns are a Motherfucking Thing that Exists

True story, way back in the day, when I worked security downtown Oaktown, this eejit figgered I had been peeping on his wife or gf, or whatever, I don't know, nor do I give a fuck.  I was actually fucking this other chick that lived there, and a few others that lived in the first floor would actually get naked and watch TV in front of their sliding glass doors as a come on. 
Anyways, this asshole pissed me off one too many times, and that's when I bought my first handgun, an 1851 confederate navy blackpowder revolver (this particular model was a favorite of Wyatt Earp, which is an absolute coincidence, because I have no respect for that cowardly asshole braggart).  After listening to him complain a few times about how I was peeping on his bitch, who lived on the second floor, BTW, and was a fucking cow anyways, he comes up to me drinking wine, spouts some shit, and breaks the glass he's drinking from against the wall.  At that point, I spring into the isoceles stance, go into my jacket, pop the strap, and get ready to bust out the steel.  I don't know, nor do I care if he actually thought I was trying to watch his bitch naked; but he never said shit to me after that, and that's why guns rock.

Wetting the Bed

I never used to wet the bed as a child.  I mean, I'm sure we all do it as babies; but I never did it as far back as I have memories of being a child.  However, I wil admit that I have wet the bed a couple of times as an adult.  Here is how it happened:
You wake up, you have an intense urge to go pee, so you get up off the bed, you go to the bathroom, and you start peeing.
And that's when you realize that you are still in bed, dreaming that you got up and went to the bathroom; but NOT dreaming that you are peeing.  Goddamned subconscious.  Where does it get off pranking me?

The first woman I ever came inside of.

I fucked another girl without a condom before I fucked Lori; but Lori was the first girl I ever filled full of semen.  I enjoyed that very much.
It wasn't korean Lori, in case you're wondering, it was the black girl, and goddamnit, I loved her ass.  I have ejaculated inside a lot of girls since then; but they say you always remember your first.  Lori was the first I ever came inside of.
I didn't mean to ejaculate in her; but I did do that. I happen to be a guy.
I guess girls take the meaning of virginity to mean the breaking of their hymen.  I took it to be when I actually filled a girl full of semen.
I loved it when Lori squeezed my cum out of her pussy.  That was a sight to behold.
I am not ever trading my balls.  Never.
Watching my semen drip out of Lori's pussy was fucking hot.  In fact, that my just be the hottest and sexiest thing I have ever seen in the history of ever.

Ecoterrific

So I went to the grocery store last night, and in the compulsive buy display next to the check register I see AA batteries, which include seeds that you are supposed to sow so that you are doing your part for the sake of Gaia or whatever that bitch's name is.
Anyways, let's say that angle is good for marketing.  Do you really think any of those people are going to actually sow those?  I doubt it.
I myself am not about to sow seeds on my garden just because it says "seeds" on the package.  Fuck that.  It's hard enough to grow an organic garden as it is.  I don't need matapalos screwing it up for me.
As for my contribution to the earth, I buy rechargable batteries, which last much longer, and cost much less in the long run.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it, you fucking hippy.  Oh wait, it's cashed.  Shit.  Let's scrape the resin!  And that's why I fucking hate hippies.  They are a bunch of sorryass motherfuckers.

The December 21, 2012 Apocalypse

    I question the wisdom of learning about what might kill you vs. learning how to prevent it from killing you.  Instead of learning of all the ways you might be killed, learn how to prevent them from killing you.  Read a few legitimate books on bushcraft and disaster preparedness,  You should do that anyways, just because it's good sense.  Don't climb a high mountain in hopes of avoiding a flood.  Any earthquake large enough to cause a tidal wave can also cause a mountain to crumble and bury you alive.  Don't worry about the apocalypse, because by definition, you will not survive it, so worrying about it won't help.  Maybe some cataclysm will occur on December 21st, maybe not.  On a personal level, who cares?  You might die before then in a car accident, or in a robbery attempt, or in any other number of ways....  One of my friends said she would head for Chile.  Chile has the privilege of having had a 9.6 Richter scale earthquake in 1960.  That's the largest magnitude earthquake that has ever been measured.  Now, you might recall that the Richter is a logarithmic scale.  At magnitude 10, no manmade structure is left standing.  As far as I know, the world did not end in 1960.  How much larger of an earthquake needs to happen for the whole world to be flooded?  I've lived through earthquakes and found out later that people I knew died, also that faults opened up and swallowed not people; but whole street blocks whole.  I've walked by what were formerly buildings that had been reduced to mounds of debris. 
    Don't worry about the apocalypse.  People have been predicting apocalypses since before I was born.  My mother told me that when Haley's comet passed by before I was born people thought it would be the sign of armageddon.  Fail.  When I was a tween, it came back.  I couldn't even see the piece of crap. 
    I finally saw a comet when I was in my twenties.  Pretty.  End of the world pretty?  Not so much.
    I happen to be part Mayan, and I have read the Popol Vuh. It's pretty much a linear narrative.  It doesn't predict much of anything at all.  If anything, it discourages the notion of the end of the world from here on forever; but you know what?  Any way you slice it, a few hundred years from now, the best any of us can hope for is to be fossils. 
Anyways,  I'm not gonna worry about the apocalypse.  My prophecy is that December 21st is going to be a day just like any other.  You might live through it, you might not.  Same as any other day.  Cataclysm my ass.