The Illuminati are a shell front for the Freemasons, which in turn are a shell front for the Satanists, who (whom?) are a shell front for the 7 elders of Zion, who serve a race of aliens, whose masters, in turn, are a computer, and five women that reside at the center of the earth. One has blonde hair, one has black hair, one has red hair, one has blue hair, one has no hair. Through this complicated web of alliances, a huge organization has taken over the UN and some of the largest and most powerful governments and militaries in the world. Their aim is to create a worldwide empire, and steal our precious organs for their delicious nutrients. Also, they want to rape our ice cream.
In case you are wondering whether I'm serious, I can assure you I'm serious as a heart attack, and all of it will come to a head in 2012, when they will simultaneously release an army of zombies and robot enforcers to create the apocalypse.
Just kidding. I'm being sarcastic about conspiracy theorists. The Freemasons and the Shriner's are very benevolent organizations that have built many works of charity, including numerous children's hospitals. They happen to be somewhat secretive, and they have gotten a bad rap because of it; but it's basically a version of when you were a kid and wanted to form your own clique, so you you got together with your friends and you invented a secret handshake. Also, Freemasons basically invented the United States. Many of the US founding fathers were Freemasons, and to this day there are many Masonic symbols in the US currency.
As for Satanists, my brother tells people that he's a Satanist. That's like telling people "I'm a LARPER," or "I never outgrew my high school emo phase." He does it for effect only, and he's like the biggest loser ever. I know for a fact that the guy can't even get laid in a whorehouse, because one of my childhood friends told me about it.
The Illuminati were actually a thing; but it's been highly misinterpreted what exactly they were. The historical Illuminati were the Bavarian Illuminati. You can wiki them. I'm not gonna overexplain them.
In respect to the modern Illuminati, zombies, aliens, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, demons, the 2012 end of the world bullshit, the boogeyman, the sigüanaba, etc. I will believe in any of those things the damn day I see them. You know what scares me, wanna be dictators, muggers, and having too little money in my bank account. Also bearsharks, and landsharks, because those are the scariest kinds of sharks evar.
The reason I'm talking about this is that this morning I was reading about Vanessa Hudgens nude pics, and that took me to Tila Tequila's lesbian threeway porn vid, which took me to to a prank she did (It's pretty funny, the black guy is the funniest, he's just like "OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, uhhhhhhhhhh!" Here's the link to that:
Tila Tequila prank); but it also took me to her blog, and there I saw a post about this John Carpenter movie:
They Live We Sleep
This is just supposed to be a frigging fun popcorn movie, just like all John Carpenter movies. I mean the guy has never even tried for an Oscar or anything; but the guy that posted that vid, and the other 2 continuing the story actually thinks the movie is real. Read all the stuff he edited into the vids. Obviously the guy is paranoid shizophrenic. Also, Tila Tequila is a pretty girl; but she is a frigging airhead if she thinks anything about this movie is supposed to be serious. Although I've always pretty much known Tila Tequila is an eejit. For serious. I mean, I'm writing a novella about Chtulu; but it doesn't mean I think he's real. Everyone likes a good horror story every once in a while, for shits and giggles. It doesn't mean those stories are true.
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