Again, I'm just picking these out of FML:
Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML
Ok, seriously? Have you ever heard of laxatives, dumbass? Seriously!
Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML
OK, so you have a cat, and a rodent, and yet you are so stupid that you do not keep them appart. My 1 year old puppy just killed a fucking fruit bat about 3 weeks ago. I had to get a rabbies shot for it. YDI. Also, fuck you for being stupid and negligent, and responsible for two pets dying. If I could beat you up, I'd totally do it.
Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML
Ok, that's the moment that you tell your dad to fuck off. I just did that with my brother, who was asking me for $5600 that he supposedly paid for the house that we both inherited, and that I gave him power of attorney to sell, and yet he couldn't manage the damn thing, and I've actually fought my father, way before I knew so much about martial arts, and my dad can powerlift a lot more than me. Or at least he could back then. This happened about 19 years ago. Today I would probably floor him with one punch. If anyone tried to fight me now, god help them; but back then, I was the underdog.
Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML
Jeez, just move to a different seat as far away from that guy, and if he follows you, kick him in the balls.
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
YDI for dating an asshole. There are plenty of nice guys you could date instead. Even if I didn't include myself in the nice guy category, there are plenty of others that are nice. And I'm nice enough to not do that.
Today, my ex-boyfriend called to tell me that he had always made a point to eat some form of meat before making out with me. He'd known I was a vegetarian since the day we met. FML
YDI for being vegetarian. Humans are not meant to be vegetarians. Humans are omnivorous, dumbass.
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